i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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