i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
he shaved USA in his pubs
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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