am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
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