i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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