Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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