I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
