She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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