Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
