i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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