Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
