we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
