i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
