I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
