so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
