goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
