Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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