two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
