she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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