Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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