totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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