His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
