then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
