I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Randomize
