I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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