alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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