Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
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