the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
