hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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