After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
