Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
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