I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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