I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He has the fingertips of a God
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize