I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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