Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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