RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
