its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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