benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
