I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
