my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
