what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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