I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
be right there i have to get my cape
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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