Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
