just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize