It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
