white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
