Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
