I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
