Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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