I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
