what day is it and did you see me today?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
