sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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