Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
