Porn is love you can see.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Randomize
