Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
