oh god the rape fog is back!
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
You left your underwear on the fireplace
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Randomize
