So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
