Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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