i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Randomize
