you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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