Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
