I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
