Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
