Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
