How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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