What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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