I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize