I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
