You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
