i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize