alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
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