You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
