I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
You're like the curious george of whores
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I have feelings that need drinking.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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