This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
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