You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
