3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
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